i looked over to the supervisor and told him that i’d feel a lot better climbing a ladder straight to the top.  he smiled and informed me of my second option.  the lobster claws.  the lobster claws are two ropes that i hook to my harness, each end had steel locks that operated like their namesake.  he walked me over to the side of the rock wall.  we stood at the base of what was basically a telephone pole straight up.  all the way up were staggered staples that were two inches wide and stuck out about 4 inches, and were positioned like alternating steps.  the goal was to climb up these staples, and hook in each claw all the way.  take a step up, attach the left claw, take a step up, attach the right claw, take a step up, detach the left claw and attach at the next highest staple (at least 2 feet apart) and alternate all the way up to the top.

i inhaled…

after all my talk, there was no way to back out now.  so i started climbing, quickly.  left, right, left right.  about 10 feet up the pole, i stopped to think about this… and realized that there was nobody holding me up by a rope like the regular rock wall.  it was all me. my arms and legs wrapped around a pole.  lifting myself.  i made the first 15 feet in about 20 seconds.  the staples kept getting smaller and smaller, not to mention further apart.  my breathing deepened and i began to tire, clutching my fingers through these tiny metal loops.  everytime i detached a claw i felt my body wearing out leaving me 5 second to attach it to the next staple, or i’d collapse backwards.  i had nothing to lean into, or rest upon.

a handful of people gathered around the bottom to watch this large guy take the option that nobody else wanted to do.  i wasn’t afraid to take the challenge, but it was physically the most uphill battle i’ve ever taken.  and it wore me to my core.  i had something to prove.  there was no way down but the zip line at the top. i couldn’t take steps backwards.

i’m reminded of the battles that i face from time to time, in my relationship.  sometimes, well, a lot of the time, i don’t know if i’ll ever reach the top.  but i know that if i don’t try, i won’t anyways.  i accept the challenge and once i realize i’m halfway, there’s nowhere i would rather go than forward.  no matter what it takes, or however hard the struggle.

when i finally reached the top of the wall, i collapsed on the floor, completely out of breath, and both of my arms locked tense, swollen and throbbing.  i finally got to take the leap off, down a 200 foot zip line… hanging upside down like i had seen campers do hundreds of times.  the rewards of the struggle completely worth the fear, the pain.  we can live our lives to the fullest, and enjoy every bit of our efforts.  we can be amazing together, we can beautiful together…  and i can’t wait to see what else is in store for us..

When churches start calling themselves “nonprofits,” are they trying to stray away from the negative connotations of the label of “church” or are they trying to hop on the wagon of today’s nonprofits and claim that “cool factor” that comes with?

We do a lot of things to try and sound appealing. We dress to fit into a specific subculture. We invent cutting edge jargon. We talk about our accomplishments, our tastes in music, our job titles, our knowledge of current events, and especially our musings on the spiritual (+10 points for irony). People strive SO HARD to convince the world that they have value. “I HAVE SOMETHING TO OFFER” scream our narcissism driven postings via social networks while the virtual masses line up to rate and judge anything in front of them.

Welcome to a world where the number of blog comments and @replies we receive are not only indicative of our success, but give us our sense of self worth. A lack of means we must be doing something wrong, and its time to roll out the big guns… who do I know that will remind people that I am in higher social circle? What quick, poignant idea can I have to show how sensitively spiritual I am? Think.

Now, nonprofits, spiritual musings, social networks, and the like are all fine, great, and dare I say, important…but are we doing them to FEEL important?

Are we rating our own value by our number of followers instead of finding our value in BEING a follower?

Wait.

Being homeless is kinda like letting somebody else cross a rickety bridge over a bottomless chasm before you. It’s a good way to find out what planks will be there when you need them. It’s a rough world out there, a world where an onion ring can have more fans than the great Justin Bieber himself. If you’re not careful, you could find those planks snapping out from underneath your feet.

I want to be one of those people that will never give when someone needs support. I may not have everything that everyone needs, but what I do have (given to me by my Creator) will be able to help somewhere.

And now… your beautiful moment of the blog… music starts at 0:32.

I also learn that a lot can happen while I’m away for 10 weeks – parties and concerts, birthdays and deaths, arguments and fights, regrets, love gained and lost…

People change in 10 weeks. Some things never change, thank the Lord for that, but people do. Someone you thought you knew will have experienced as much change in ten weeks as yourself. There’s no imaginary capsule that holds your life in place until you get back. Nobody keeps your seat warm while you’re gone. Life moves, fast as ever, and you’re going to miss out on it.

How do I reconcile the change that I’ve returned to? This martian landscape bears little resemblance to the green earth I left behind.

I hold on to the things I know I are steadfast. A never-changing God whose promises fail not. True friends that anxiously await and open their arms to a weary traveler longing to grasp a slight bit of familiarity.

Who are you anymore?

My only desire at this point is to share the beauty of things I longed for away from my average, simple life.

The average and simple that I savor with each step I take.

California. I love it, with every component of my loving ability. I never thought I would miss a dirt so much. This place is beautiful. This place is perfect. It’s a blessing.

I was fighting for something.

heartland.linkglobal.org

“I’ve been coming up here since I was in elementary school,” reminisced a church counselor from one of the greatest weeks I’ve ever experienced.  “So has my father.”  I came face to face with the rich heritage and the nostalgia of Thousand Pines, celebrating 70 years of camp ministry.  Who would’ve thought the air and dust I inhaled, the crumbling rocks below my feet; all a part of a place God has been using to change lives.  Students that committed to serving in youth ministry 20 to 30 years ago, now returned as head pastors and counselors, holding fast to the promises they made long ago.  It’s inspiring, and it’s real.  I drove down the mountain Sept. 24, knowing that a part of my being was left behind.  A place I would never forget, and people that will forever remain in my heart.

God works in mysterious ways.

I awoke Tuesday morning, on CJ’s couch.  A place he offered as I no longer rented an apartment to return to.  I was officially homeless.  The thought continued to stir in my mind as I watched my wet clothes spin around in a commercial dryer at a laundromat in Orange, CA.  My zoned out gaze broke as my cellphone rang.  I had just received a text that said “someone is going to call u it could be a good opportunity” and now the moment of truth had arrived.  Calling me was a nonprofit called LiNK [Liberty in North Korea], who had just procured an open internship when someone dropped out, and my friend had given them my phone number.

I didn’t even know there was a crisis in North Korea, let alone a human rights travesty.

If there was ever a description of a mental whirlwind, the next two days would be considered the epitome of one.  I walked into LiNK’s offices just to find out what they were about.  Without dressing to impress, without preparing to sweet talk and charm, a conversation to explore their goals turned into a full fledged interview without my permission.  I was handed a documentary called “Seoul Train” which follows the journeys of three different groups of North Korean refugees in China attempting to escape oppression and the threat of detainment in concentration camps not unlike those Europe during the Nazi movement.  North Korea offered no freedoms, no chances to live as normal human beings.  LiNK exists to protect and shelter those escaping North Korea for a better life, and it coordinates a modern day Underground Railroad in China, which shows no mercy to North Korean defectors sending them right back to be permanently detained.  LiNK also runs programs that help resettle the refugees in safe countries like the United States or South Korea, providing them with housing, food, and the chance to be culturally educated, learning the language and new lifestyle they can be a part of.

I was faced with a harsh reality, and a decision was soon to be made.

Rob and Carlos at VIP access

MuteMath, if you don’t know, is one of the more unique modern rock bands of today, featuring one of the most energetic live shows you could possibly attend.  I’m not sure, but I believe Alternative Press gave them the ranking of the #1 show to see before you die in one of their articles a few years ago.  Ain’t it the truth.  If you’re not sure, check out MuteMath’s live DVD, “Flesh and Bones: Electric Fun” for a good time.

Us with Greg, MuteMath's guitarist

I have no doubts that their new album “Armistice” will be well received by MuteMath’s current fans, as it features even more of what we’ve come to love from Paul, Roy, Greg, and Darren: high energy, electronic driven rock with soaring vocals and epic ambience.  Listening to the CD, I thought “Great, more of the same” which is totally not a bad thing, having waited this long for new material, but halfway through, I really started being blown away by what I was hearing.  A new vulnerability in the lyrics and melodies.  The ability to pace a song, letting it groove smoothly through without rushing, a lack of fear to slow down and be melodic with the guitars and keys.  Maturity.  Without necessarily changing their sound, MuteMath has been able to provide an album that shows growth and experimentation.  This was music that was more than just putting on in the background as you play videogames or drive fast; it was music you can put on, sit down, listen to, AND think about, letting your mind wrap around what you’re hearing, and processing it at your own pace.  After talking with Greg, their guitarist, it felt like they had produced something they were proud of and totally stoked to show people, and play nonstop for the next few years on tour after tour.  They’ll be in southern California this October, tickets are available now.  GO see them before you die.

Kody, Carlos, and I in Club Nokia, listening to "Armistice"

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